April's goal is entitled "Lighten Up" and deals with the topic of Parenthood. There is nothing like our children to give us the utmost happiness but at times we also experience frustration, impatience, anger, and many other negative emotions. The advice here is to acknowledge the reality of people's feelings and that includes our children. Five strategies are given: write it down, don't feel as if you have to say anything, don't say no or stop, wave your magic wand, and admit that a task is difficult. The author discusses how these strategies worked for her and her children during the month of the experiment.
I have come in contact with many of these strategies through the Suzuki violin program. For example, admitting that something is difficult helps students realize they may not get it right the first time. Since it is hard, they don't feel bad if they need to try again. Even in teaching, telling children something is easy is not a good idea. Those students who don't get it the first time think they are not as smart as others since the task is supposed to be easy.
Another Suzuki strategy is the magic wand. "If I had a magic wand, I would make that shift easier for you to play." Acknowledging that you would like to make things easy for your child helps them understand that you would try if you could. Instead some work is required and it is no one's fault, it just needs to be done.
For years, books on parenting have advocated not using the word "no" or "stop" with our children. Instead, we need to find alternate ways of phrasing these requests. However, as a parent it is not easy to accomplish. You really have to be on your toes to avoid the "no" trap. Still, when time permits, finding other ways of communicating negative requests is preferable. I found with my own children, explaining a decision went a long way in helping them understand my reasons behind it. Even something as simple as a request to buy candy or a toy at the store can be phrased in a positive way. "Why don't we put that on your Christmas list." "Mommy doesn't get paid until Friday so we need to wait." I would even prepare my girls ahead of time for an outing by saying, "When we go shopping today, we are only getting the things we have on our list so other requests will have to wait for another time." This avoided any scenes while in public.
Acknowledging how our children feel is another very important strategy. It helps them feel that we are on their side even if we can't grant their request. Repeating their desire, for example, "I understand you are having fun with your dolls right now. You don't want to take a bath even though it's time", shows that you have heard what they are saying and feeling. Children can become frustrated if they feel they are being forced to do things and this helps them realize that you are not ignoring their feelings but the job needs to be done.
The book recommended by the author is How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish. Many of these strategies are from this book and it was one that we can all refer to refresh our parenting strategies from time to time.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Feb. 5, 2010 - The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
The challenge for March is to improve happiness at work. When you think about it, a significant portion of our lives, eight to ten hours or one third of each day, is spent in the workplace. These days, work can easily become overwhelming. Not only do our employers expect more but we pressure ourselves to perform at our best, spending extra time to get ahead or make more money. It's easy to get into a rut at work, to let the responsibilities of the job take over the enjoyment of the career choice.
In researching this topic, the author discovered that working hard, especially when pursuing challenging or novel activities, was a source of happiness in itself. A challenge inspires us and pushes us to reach our full potential. The sense of satisfaction for a job well done is unmatched. Enthusiasm for our work translates into a willingness to practice and a desire to improve. This in turn makes us happy.
But, are we all lucky enough to be in a job that we love? How easy is it to choose a different career path after years of working in the same field? Discovering our talent and passion, then pursuing it requires courage, education and some sort of financial stability, especially when making a change later in life.
In any case, why wait...life is short, so we might as well be doing a job we love, in a field where we can network with others who enjoy the same type of work. And, who says we have to be crazy about every aspect of our job on a daily basis?
Give yourself permission to have good times and bad times in anything you do. I think you'll find the good will far outweigh the bad and you'll be happier for having tried.
In researching this topic, the author discovered that working hard, especially when pursuing challenging or novel activities, was a source of happiness in itself. A challenge inspires us and pushes us to reach our full potential. The sense of satisfaction for a job well done is unmatched. Enthusiasm for our work translates into a willingness to practice and a desire to improve. This in turn makes us happy.
But, are we all lucky enough to be in a job that we love? How easy is it to choose a different career path after years of working in the same field? Discovering our talent and passion, then pursuing it requires courage, education and some sort of financial stability, especially when making a change later in life.
In any case, why wait...life is short, so we might as well be doing a job we love, in a field where we can network with others who enjoy the same type of work. And, who says we have to be crazy about every aspect of our job on a daily basis?
Give yourself permission to have good times and bad times in anything you do. I think you'll find the good will far outweigh the bad and you'll be happier for having tried.
Feb. 4, 2010 - Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
A friend at school showed me this amazing book today about "Turning Oppression Into Opportunity for Women Worldwide." Oprah invited the authors to speak about the book on a recent show which aired on Dec. 1, 2009. The book is also featured in Oprah Magazine and on her website. The website article proposes three things that we can do on a global level to help women who are oppressed - make girls smarter, support a woman's business and keep a girl in school.
The book is full of stories of the worst incidents of violence, oppression, and rape that I have ever read. I had goosebumps while reading the story of Tererai who was not allowed to go to school because she had to do the household chores. Her brother was forced to attend but he didn't care and never did his homework or paid attention to his studies. When he brought his books home, Tererai taught herself to read and write and completed his homework for him - until the teacher found out the truth. The teacher went to her parents to explain and Tererai was allowed to attend for some months. However, her father quickly married her off at the age of 11 and her husband beat her and refused to allow her to return to school. The story gets worse from there.
It's hard to believe that in today's society of endless opportunities and possibilities that there are still places in the world where oppression occurs. How sad it is to see our own youth not caring about school when so many other children would do anything to get an education. For them education means freedom. If only my students realized how fortunate they truly are.
The book can be purchased from Oprah's website where a portion of the proceeds will go to support women in need around the globe. I'm placing my order today and look forward to reading more about this important topic soon.
The book is full of stories of the worst incidents of violence, oppression, and rape that I have ever read. I had goosebumps while reading the story of Tererai who was not allowed to go to school because she had to do the household chores. Her brother was forced to attend but he didn't care and never did his homework or paid attention to his studies. When he brought his books home, Tererai taught herself to read and write and completed his homework for him - until the teacher found out the truth. The teacher went to her parents to explain and Tererai was allowed to attend for some months. However, her father quickly married her off at the age of 11 and her husband beat her and refused to allow her to return to school. The story gets worse from there.
It's hard to believe that in today's society of endless opportunities and possibilities that there are still places in the world where oppression occurs. How sad it is to see our own youth not caring about school when so many other children would do anything to get an education. For them education means freedom. If only my students realized how fortunate they truly are.
The book can be purchased from Oprah's website where a portion of the proceeds will go to support women in need around the globe. I'm placing my order today and look forward to reading more about this important topic soon.
Feb. 3, 2010 - Boost Your Immunity by Stacey Colino, Real Simple magazine
"Good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings." This quote by Publilius Syrus, a writer of Latin maxims, begins the article on boosting your immunity in the December 2008 issue of Real Simple magazine. Now, you may be wondering why I am currently reading something that is so clearly out of date. Unfortunately, I don't get around to reading my magazines as quickly as I would like. In addition, I keep older issues of Real Simple magazine as many of their articles are relevant no matter what the year, which is the case here.
The article offers 10 "proven" strategies to help you stay healthier over the winter season. These include minding the fat, staying in motion, eating plenty of protein, showing off your musical talents, fitting into your skinny jeans (ie. losing weight), petting something fluffy (like an animal), getting three colours in every meal, resolving to really relax, eating good bacteria and making late nights an exception. Mind you, none of these are really a surprise - we all know what we should do. But, what do we actually do?
I connected immediately to the suggestion of getting to bed earlier through my happiness project goals and also because of school. At our school, we've been trying to get the kids to be on time. One of the strategies my class discussed was that of going to bed earlier and getting things ready the night before. Well. what's good for the goose, is good for the gander and if it helps all of us stay healthier, so much the better.
Another connection I made was to showing off your musical talents. I play the violin in a community orchestra as well as teaching music at school. Recently, I've been asked to play with another orchestra for an upcoming opera gala. The joy I felt at not only being asked but also the opportunity to perform one of my favourite tenor arias from the Pearl Fishers by Bizet boosted my happiness levels immediately. Any time I pick up my violin to play, it always gives me peace and enjoyment. I even find my students calmer and happier after music class. They always leave the room singing the pieces we just played. Behavioural issues are few in strings class even with students who normally have difficulty. Now, to discover that studies have shown a correlation between music and good health, is no surprise and an added benefit to an inspiring and heartfelt experience.
The article offers 10 "proven" strategies to help you stay healthier over the winter season. These include minding the fat, staying in motion, eating plenty of protein, showing off your musical talents, fitting into your skinny jeans (ie. losing weight), petting something fluffy (like an animal), getting three colours in every meal, resolving to really relax, eating good bacteria and making late nights an exception. Mind you, none of these are really a surprise - we all know what we should do. But, what do we actually do?
I connected immediately to the suggestion of getting to bed earlier through my happiness project goals and also because of school. At our school, we've been trying to get the kids to be on time. One of the strategies my class discussed was that of going to bed earlier and getting things ready the night before. Well. what's good for the goose, is good for the gander and if it helps all of us stay healthier, so much the better.
Another connection I made was to showing off your musical talents. I play the violin in a community orchestra as well as teaching music at school. Recently, I've been asked to play with another orchestra for an upcoming opera gala. The joy I felt at not only being asked but also the opportunity to perform one of my favourite tenor arias from the Pearl Fishers by Bizet boosted my happiness levels immediately. Any time I pick up my violin to play, it always gives me peace and enjoyment. I even find my students calmer and happier after music class. They always leave the room singing the pieces we just played. Behavioural issues are few in strings class even with students who normally have difficulty. Now, to discover that studies have shown a correlation between music and good health, is no surprise and an added benefit to an inspiring and heartfelt experience.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Feb. 2, 2010 - The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
"Bad marriage habits" - the term itself evokes feelings of guilt and remorse. It's easy to fall into a routine of mundane existence without thought for the needs of your spouse, focussing on getting jobs done rather than relationships. And, when kids are involved, the attention shifts entirely to their needs, with little time left to enjoy as a couple. I can't remember the last time my husband and I went out for dinner or to a movie, just the two of us.
At this point, Gretchen's "Week of Extreme Nice" sounds like a great idea as well as an insurmountable challenge. Would I be able to keep this up for an entire week? Could I ignore the irksome habits of my husband for this length of time? Could I stop nagging and pointing out mistakes? I think it is worth a try. Certainly, going to bed earlier has helped me feel less tired and irritated so perhaps this is a good time to attempt this strategy.
Maybe my husband is attempting the "week of extreme nice" even though he isn't reading this book. When I think of all the little things (and sometimes big things) he does for me, it really does make the problems seem insignificant. He sets my coffee for me each night so that it is ready in the morning. He makes my lunch every day. He cooks, which is a huge bonus, and on top of that even does the grocery shopping. This week, he even did laundry because I was so busy that he wanted to make the week easier. Today, he prepared tea and a snack for me to take to the workshop I was teaching after school. He brags about me and praises me when speaking to his mother. There are so many "proofs of love" here that I sometimes take for granted.
Mind you, he may sound like the perfect husband, but I assure you, he does have his faults. In the end, I am very fortunate to have his love, help and support.
At this point, Gretchen's "Week of Extreme Nice" sounds like a great idea as well as an insurmountable challenge. Would I be able to keep this up for an entire week? Could I ignore the irksome habits of my husband for this length of time? Could I stop nagging and pointing out mistakes? I think it is worth a try. Certainly, going to bed earlier has helped me feel less tired and irritated so perhaps this is a good time to attempt this strategy.
Maybe my husband is attempting the "week of extreme nice" even though he isn't reading this book. When I think of all the little things (and sometimes big things) he does for me, it really does make the problems seem insignificant. He sets my coffee for me each night so that it is ready in the morning. He makes my lunch every day. He cooks, which is a huge bonus, and on top of that even does the grocery shopping. This week, he even did laundry because I was so busy that he wanted to make the week easier. Today, he prepared tea and a snack for me to take to the workshop I was teaching after school. He brags about me and praises me when speaking to his mother. There are so many "proofs of love" here that I sometimes take for granted.
Mind you, he may sound like the perfect husband, but I assure you, he does have his faults. In the end, I am very fortunate to have his love, help and support.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Feb. 1, 2010 - The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
The other day, I found myself discussing Gretchen Rubin's book with two of my friends at school. I even brought in the copy I had from the library for them to peruse. Both of my friends were extremely interested, to the point that one of them went out and bought two copies - one for herself and one for me. What a nice gesture. Now we are both reading it and setting goals for ourselves. It's wonderful because not only are we inspired by Gretchen's journey but by our own personal findings. My other friend reported to me today that she is setting one specific goal each month, then adding another goal after the first has become a habit. She is also focussing on getting to bed earlier. With the three of us working on this project, it's great to be able to discuss our successes and failures. It inspires us to stick to our plan, knowing that we have support along the way.
My second goal, to exercise more frequently, is also one that my friend is tackling. I recently gave up my gym membership because I found I couldn't get to the club enough for it to be worthwhile. Instead, my husband and I bought an elliptical and set it up in the basement. One of the benefits of belonging to a club, is that another friend and I used to go together. Now that I'm not going, who will inspire me to show up? I do have self-discipline but everyone needs a boost once in a while. So, my friend and I decided to exercise together while in our own homes. (She has a treadmill in her basement.) We chose 3 nights during the week and made a pact to call each other just before starting. Sometimes, we talk on the phone while we exercise, other times, we watch a show and call each other afterwards to discuss it. Neither of us has to leave the house, but we still complete our exercise.
Just as The Happiness Project has inspired me, so I have helped my friends through reading and discussing Gretchen Rubin's wonderful experiment. I know it will make a difference in our lives and we have already begun to see the benefits.
My second goal, to exercise more frequently, is also one that my friend is tackling. I recently gave up my gym membership because I found I couldn't get to the club enough for it to be worthwhile. Instead, my husband and I bought an elliptical and set it up in the basement. One of the benefits of belonging to a club, is that another friend and I used to go together. Now that I'm not going, who will inspire me to show up? I do have self-discipline but everyone needs a boost once in a while. So, my friend and I decided to exercise together while in our own homes. (She has a treadmill in her basement.) We chose 3 nights during the week and made a pact to call each other just before starting. Sometimes, we talk on the phone while we exercise, other times, we watch a show and call each other afterwards to discuss it. Neither of us has to leave the house, but we still complete our exercise.
Just as The Happiness Project has inspired me, so I have helped my friends through reading and discussing Gretchen Rubin's wonderful experiment. I know it will make a difference in our lives and we have already begun to see the benefits.
Jan. 31, 2010 - The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Following in Gretchen Rubin's footsteps, I am attempting to set some personal goals by beginning my own "Happiness Project". This month I am focussing on increasing my energy levels by concentrating on two goals - getting to bed earlier (which includes not falling asleep on the couch) and exercising regularly.
In the evening, I often stay up too late trying to accomplish any number of household or school-related jobs. At other times, I stay up in order to have some time to myself after my husband and girls have gone to bed. In either case, being too active in the evening doesn't allow me to wind down and get ready for sleep. This week, I am ensuring that I relax well before bed time. Some jobs don't get finished but there is always tomorrow. I have also discovered that if I stay up much past 11:00 p.m., I get my second wind and then can't sleep until after 2:00 p.m. This sets up a vicious cycle of sleep depravity that causes me to be tired all day long.
So far, it has been a week and I am happy to report that for the most part I am accomplishing my goal. Some nights haven't been as early as others and one night I didn't sleep well because I was sick but otherwise I have been successful. I feel much more rested and energetic which has led to even better productivity. There are only 24 hours in each of our days and I know that using more of these hours to sleep has definitely helped make my daily life happier and more productive.
In the evening, I often stay up too late trying to accomplish any number of household or school-related jobs. At other times, I stay up in order to have some time to myself after my husband and girls have gone to bed. In either case, being too active in the evening doesn't allow me to wind down and get ready for sleep. This week, I am ensuring that I relax well before bed time. Some jobs don't get finished but there is always tomorrow. I have also discovered that if I stay up much past 11:00 p.m., I get my second wind and then can't sleep until after 2:00 p.m. This sets up a vicious cycle of sleep depravity that causes me to be tired all day long.
So far, it has been a week and I am happy to report that for the most part I am accomplishing my goal. Some nights haven't been as early as others and one night I didn't sleep well because I was sick but otherwise I have been successful. I feel much more rested and energetic which has led to even better productivity. There are only 24 hours in each of our days and I know that using more of these hours to sleep has definitely helped make my daily life happier and more productive.
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